Death

Two days ago, Seth accompanied me to my friend Fred's memorial service. I'm not in the frame of mind to go into that but it was GOOD. Appropriate and meaningful and helpful to me personally. Fred was a friend from my Honduras trips. He helped pay my way on my second Honduras trip. It was anonymous at first but I eventually found out. We talked on the phone every now and again, say every few months, and he was one of the ring of people I felt necessary to call after Seth and I announced our engagement. But he's in a separate group of people from my daily life and he wasn't invited to the wedding because of what we understood to be our limitations at the beginning, not in hindsight. And that's another regret on my short list of regrets in my life (because for the most part I believe most things are done because who I was at the time didn't allow for a much different outcome).

This evening I got an email from my brother Cameron's friend, Jay, whose mother was killed last week in a car accident. I'm not close with Jay but I've met him a few times and felt affection.

In two days my dad goes into surgery, brain surgery, and there's been a remarkable outpouring of love and good wishes and prayers from COMMUNITY. Which is something my mom noted they did not have several years ago when my dad had his melanoma.

And community is what I am being drawn to. I am not fully involved. It's still idealistic right now in my actions and fantasies. It's overwhelming, incomprehensible in its reality right now.

I am blessed. Regardless of the future. I am blessed and count myself blessed.